More Heavy than Funny

I'm not even sure how many people read this site.  I'm thinking the numbers are low as I am not very regular at posting, and I don't advertise or announce the site.  Therefore I will take a quick moment to use this as a journal entry...cause I can.

Things are okay around here.  We are quickly approaching the one-year anniversary to Tim's dad Gary's death, and then his mom Judy's is only another 2 quick months following that.  The year has seemed to fly by and although they cross my mind often, it seems as they have been on my mind a lot lately.  Grief is weird like that;  sometimes you can think of them and a quick smile will suffice.  Other times, something hits me hard, like a brick to the gut, and my eyes instantly well up with tears and I feel that their death still seems so surreal.  I was there, I know they are gone...
but man.  Did it ever happen quickly, in the overall scheme of things.

Just the other day, I was heading into G's school for his kindergarten music program.  Another mom from the classroom was helping what appeared to be her grandmother (maybe her mother?) get out of the car and begin using her walker.  As they came down the hallway, even though this woman looked nothing like Judy, I found myself kind of contorting her into Judy.  Does that make sense?  Like as I stared at her, I actually saw Judy coming into the room.  It was so strange, and an overwhelming sadness stretched over me and my eyes started to fill.  Just weird.

The boys talk of Grandma and Grandpa Fox often as well.  Especially L, my little sensitive one.  He's often say, "Grandma Fox...." in a whiny voice.  And then when I say, "Do you miss her, sweetie?"  He will say, "When she come back?"  It's sad.  I know that they won't always remember her they way they do right now.  In fact, within another year, they will only know of their grandparents what we share with them, or by the stories or pictures we share.  That makes me sad...kids should always have their grandparents.  I feel I was too young to lose my own precious Grammy at the age of 17.  But at least my memories of her are my own, and not just told to me.

Anyhow, I know this is a heavy post and not much related to what I usually try to post.  Every day is a zoo around here and my house is often destroyed and my patience is usually gone by 11 am.  But once this damn snow stops falling and we can get outside more I am praying that the days go by smoother and summer will be here before we know it.