Poked and Prodded

I've finally started to share this blog site with some people through Facebook connections.  I'm feeling a bit more pressure to add posts, and although every day of my life feels like a comedy show with a dramatic ending (no tears, just wine), I feel the need to reach back into my ol' memory pocket and dig out some good stuff.  I would hate to forget these stories when I'm decorating the garage for a high school graduation party...
payback will be such sweet, sweet revenge.

I was stepping out of the shower one day this past summer when the twins had just turned 3.  As I'm reaching forward to grab my towel, I feel two little hands start to spread my butt cheeks apart.  I whipped around to my right to see B looking up at me with big eyes.  He was so curious!!!  I'm sure he just wanted to know if mama had a butt hole like he and his brother do.

I waved his little hand out from my backside and said, "Get. out. of. there!"  As I proceeded to turn back around to actually grab the towel,  I feel a FINGER in my front portion of my "privates"!  Poking me.  Right. there. 

ARGH!!!!

"What are you doing?!?!  I said, GET.OUT.OF.THERE!!"

Mr. Innocent Eyes looks up at me and says, "Mama, you got a penis in there?"

"NO, I DO NOT HAVE A PENIS IN THERE !  NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND GIVE ME SOME EVER LOVING PRIVACY!!!!!!"

B leaves the bathroom as calmly and quietly as he most likely entered it.  Probably just shrugging his shoulders and still confused as to why he didn't see my penis.

I dried off, wrapped myself in my towel and proceeded to walk to my dresser in which I was going to immediately put my bra and underwear on.  Well, you guessed it.  My little audience was still present.  I turned my back to B while I put my unders on and then turned to start fastening my bra.  Mr. Curious-Innocent Eyes-Never-Fails-To-Miss-A-Beat watches me intently.

"Mama, those your boobies?  Your boobies go in there?"

Calmly.  Quietly.  "Yes, honey.  These are my boobies, and they go in here".

Two days later I made a special trip to the mall.  I purchased a bathrobe.